For the seeker who cannot trust his immediate experience

Posted on by

Thought will always want to understand and intellectualize everything, this is what thoughts are about: analysing, interpreting, and putting everything into categories or into order, and most of all, conceptualizing the actual experience.

And it’s not problematic in and of itself. But for this investigation we have to stick to the pure experience, before any thought interpretation.

Why? Because the whole illusion (or more precisely delusion) is mainly created by thoughts. The self is just a concept. It’s not a real thing. It’s just a fantasy. It’s a mirage in the desert. For a new born baby, there is no concept of self. For the new born there is only pure experiencing. And just later, when language is introduced, the concept of a self emerges, out of the thin air. It’s just a fabrication, but with time this fabrication is taken as reality. And what is the problem with that? It’s suffering. Only a self could suffer.

So for the infant there is only pure experiencing. Sight, sound, taste, smell, sensation. She is in direct contact with experience. But as cognition develops she starts to conceptualize her experience. Putting everything into categories, labelling the experience, etc. And of itself it’s not problematic. But this conceptualization is overlaying the experience, and it gets thicker and thicker. And at some point she hardly can access her direct experience, since she can only see the conceptual overlay. Like seeing everything through a pink tinted glass. At some point pinkness gets so natural (used to), that she even stops knowing/seeing that everything is just coloured pink, but not actually, inherently pink. And at that point this conceptual overlay is believed to be THE TRUTH. Pink becomes the ultimate truth. The pinkness distorts our perception of what is really going on.

Whatever thoughts ‘say’, is the truth/reality from that on. This is how humans live their lives. We hardly can connect with our immediate experience since we believe that the overlaying thought concepts are all there is. And of course concepts are very useful when solving a problem, building a bridge or a house. But concepts/thoughts are just tools. But for humans the tool itself is overthrown what is really happening and creating all sorts of problems. This tool cannot be turned off. It’s like having a hammer as tool. The hammer is very useful for hitting the nail into the wall, but it’s not so useful for making dinner. But for humans, thoughts (the hammer) cannot be switched off, and we hammer everything with thoughts.

Thoughts, as a tool, has its place and value when a problem needs to be solved, but when the task is done, we should be able to put the tool (thoughts) down and just rest in the natural peace of experience. But thoughts are constantly on in forms of self-referencing narrating talks. Which is the basis of human delusion and suffering.

But the aim is not to stop these overlays from appearing, but rather to see them for what they really are. The overlay in and of itself is not problematic, as long as we see that it’s just an overlay.

This is why we have to stick to our immediate experience while doing this investigation. Not to devaluate thoughts and concepts, but rather to see what is really going on ‘behind the scenes’. When investigating the nature of reality and the self we cannot use the same tool which is creating the illusion itself in the first place.

So, from now on, please try to put aside all doubting thoughts, and just trust the process. Trust your immediate direct experience. Trust that this process will yield result. If you stay with the actual experience and just keep looking and looking, you will be able to distinguish what is really happening and what is just a fabrication. At the end, many of your intellectual answers will be answered by your direct experience.

It’s the process of repeatedly looking and seeing what actually is and what just a thought fabrication that can brings about the realization.

So, can you trust this process?
Can you commit looking at your actual experience rather than what thoughts has to say about it?

How do I ignore thoughts?

Posted on by

Q: Is the rule of this inquiry to ignore thoughts?

A: No, it’s not about rules. Thoughts are not disregarded by rules.

Q: OK, because rules are just more thoughts, right?

A: Rules are based on beliefs. But we do not exclude thoughts based on beliefs. Rather we are investigating the validity of thoughts, if what thoughts are saying are actually in line with experience.

Q: But in order to see Truth, I must disregard thoughts or disidentify with them.

A: Can you see that there is still a belief that there is someone here who must disregard thoughts or disidentify with them?

So what is it? What is it that is currently identified with thoughts?
What is it that is standing apart from thought and has the ability to disregard them?
What do thoughts happen to?
Is there someone outside of thoughts, being identified with them?
Where is the mysterious, unknown, outside entity?

Q: I don’t see anything. But we spend our whole lives trying to make sense or understand ourselves and the world around us.

A:  Please look at what you are saying and notice the beliefs and assumptions there.

There is a belief in separate selves, selves that are separate from the whole / life / existence, and each fragmented and isolated selves are living their lives in a world, which these assumed selves (like bubbles) are separate from.

But in reality, there is only existence, whatever is happening right now.
There are no parts, no fragments.
Existence is not like a jigsaw puzzle with millions of billions of pieces.
There are no pieces at all, there is only existence / life / what IS, which is whole.

Q: But in order to see this, I have to ignore thoughts, haven’t I?

A: It’s not simply about ignoring thoughts, but rather to SEE thoughts for what they are. Just fantasies, just figments of imagination, without any roots in reality.

Just notice what is ‘underneath’ all thoughts.
Thoughts add an overlaying narrative of names, labels, interpretations, explanations over the simplicity of what is.
Instead of endlessly reaching for ideas, concepts and explanations, just let it all go, and see.
Just see what is here now silently, without words.
Just notice what is left when you stop thinking about it.

In order to ignore thoughts, there has to be someone outside of thoughts, who has volition and the ability to ignore them.

So ‘ignoring thoughts’ are about dualism and separation and a belief in an agency with free will.

Thoughts are always out of step with reality, and they obstructs the clear seeing of how things actually are.
Reality is very simple.

Once you can see this, you will stop endlessly frustrating yourself by trying to figure out how things are.
Just look, what is it that is separate from what is, and trying to figure out how things are?
Is there a self or me here, who is separate and isolated from what is, from reality, and thus is in need to understand reality?

Truth or reality is not an idea or a belief.
It cannot be grasped by thoughts.
It does not need to be understood by the intellect.
Actually, it is impossible to understand through thoughts.
It is inconceivable, ungraspable.
And yet, it can be directly seen.

Seeing is wordless, and immediate.
The taste of chocolate is immediately and silently (wordlessly) known, since it is not conceptual.
As soon as the label ‘taste of chocolate’ is added, the immediacy of experience is veiled by conceptualization.
Any form of description is an abstraction, which is added after the immediate experience.

Q: OK, I get it. But how do I wake up from this conceptualization? And how do I stay awake?

A: Do you believe that there is an I that can wake up or be awake?
What is it that could be awake?
What is it that awakening could happen TO?
Is there someone separate form life, waiting to wake up to reality?
Is there someone who needs to let go of conceptualization?
Or letting go happens on its own effortlessly, when the futility of trying to grasp what is with thoughts is recognized?

Thoughts are never the real deal.

How to be present?

Posted on by

Q: How can I be more present? I really try to be present, but sooner or later I realize that I’ve been somewhere else in my thoughts. So what could I do? Do you have some techniques to learn how to stay present?

What is it here-now that is separate from this moment and can move in and out of the now?

Is there an ‘I’, an entity moving in and out of this moment?
Who is sometimes here, but some other times, leaves the present moment and goes to some other place and time?
Where would that be?
What other time?

Is there any other time and place than here now?

Stop reading for a moment, and do everything you can to leave the now. Just for a split of a second, go to the past.
Can you do that? No? Try harder…

Do you still believe that you have to learn how to stay present?

When you believe that you are not present, where do you go? Where are you then?
How could you leave this very moment? Can you see that this is utterly impossible?

If you can, then why do you want to stay present?
Aren’t you always here now?

Do you believe that when there are thoughts about the past and the future then you leave this moment and travel through time and space on the train of thoughts?

What is this ‘I’ that is so powerful that can leave this moment? A time traveller?
Isn’t this ‘I’ just the figment of imagination?

Just notice, isn’t the thought of a past happening now?
Isn’t the future a presently appearing thought, now?

Can you grasp the total impossibility of not being present?

Just let it sink in.
It is not possible to be anywhere else than here now.
Impossible.
No matter what the present story is about, this moment is all there is.

Or is there anything else than this present moment?
Is there any other time and place than this here now?

Just notice that tomorrow has no reality outside of the story about tomorrow, which is always appears now.
Tomorrow happens now, since all there is to tomorrow is the story of tomorrow.
Yesterday happens now, since all there is to yesterday is the presently appearing story about yesterday.

It is impossible not to be here in this moment.
Since this moment is all there is.
There is nothing outside of this moment.
There is no other time or space than this.
Literally. Just this.

But even saying that it is impossible not be here in this moment, is a stretch.
Why? Well… is there anything separate form this moment which could be in this moment?

Does this present experience have parts?
A ‘me’ which occupies a small space in a big universe?
Or this ‘separate me’ is just another story as this moment presently appears?

Are you something that is separate from what is?

Just notice that you are always here.
You cannot not be here.
And there is nothing separate from what is here.
Here is all there is.

So what is it that you believe yourself to be in the moment when you think that you need to learn to be present?

Noticing that there is no separate self can only ever happen right here now

Posted on by

Q: I saw it in the past that there is no separate self, so why should I look more? I already know that there is none.

OK, so you are referencing back to a memory of a previous looking.

But realization does not exist in the past.
Only here now.

So in essence, it doesn’t really matter what has been seen yesterday, an hour ago, or even a minute ago.

The only thing that matters what is SEEN or NOTICED in this very moment.

Now… and now…. and now…

So the question is: can you see it now that there is no separate self governing life?
Can you see it now? And what about this moment? Is it clear now? And this moment? What about now?

Or is it now just a memory you hold onto?

If I cannot see something in this very moment, then I cannot see it. Then it is just a belief in this very moment, since I rely on a memory, it is not something that I experientially recognize now.

Therefore, looking always has to be afresh. You can never rely on a memory.

What is a memory anyway? Isn’t it just a thought that is appearing now?
So when you rely on the memory of a previous seeing, then is it a present experience, or it is just a thought story in this moment?

Can noticing of what IS happen any other time than now?

Why would you go to dead thoughts, while this moment is presently alive, here now?

Why not notice what is here now?
What do you need those memories for?
To perpetuate the notion that there is someone who saw in the past?
Someone who is searching, and can get awakened sometime in the future?

To keep the notion of an enduring entity who is living through time and space?
Where is this entity, now?

Can you notice here now that this is just a story about a character who is set on a journey towards awakening?

The story is here as the present thought, but where is the character?
Is the character also here?
Or is it just a baseless assumption?

Notice what is here now.
There is nowhere else to go or be.
Just this.

All words are symbols

Posted on by

…

…

…

All words are symbols.
All symbols are conceptual.
They are not reality.


Reality is what actually is, regardless of the absence or the presence of any symbol or word.

Reality is what still exists after we stopped thinking about it.

Like the word ‘apple’ is just a symbolic representation of something that is real.
But is the word ‘apple’ the real thing itself?

So there is the real deal, the real thing that can be experience by seeing it, touching it, tasting it and smelling it. And we can label this experiencable thing as ‘apple’, ‘fruit’ or ‘food’.

But even if we use different labels, those labels point to the same thing.
In this case, all the three words points to the same experience of colors, shapes, smells, tastes, textures, what we collectively call as an apple.

If I am eating an apple, but I stop thinking about it, the apple (the experience which the word points too) won’t disappear.
The actual thing  (experience) remains even in the absence of labels.

Similarly, we can investigate if the words of ‘Vivien’, ‘body’, ‘consciousness’, ‘me’, ‘entity’ are pointing to a same thing, or not.

We can also look into if these words are actually pointing to something real, something experiencable, or there is no actual experience, actual reality behind those words (or some of these words).

Like the word ‘economy’ doesn’t point to anything real.
It’s purely just a concept, which can ever be defined by other concepts, but it never becomes an experience.
So it’s just a man-made idea, just an artificial concept, and not a reality.
The word ‘economy’ doesn’t point to anything real, just to other ideas, just to more thoughts.

We have words for things that can be experienced through the five senses.
Like the thought label ‘apple’ that is a name for an actual object or thing.

And we have words that give a name or label to something that cannot be experienced through the five senses.
These ‘things’ can only be thought of, but never experienced, since they do not actually exist. They just imagined.
Like the thoughts of Santa, weather, or economy.

That is the difference between experience and fiction.

So what about the word ‘I’ then?
What is ‘I’ a name for?

Seeking for answers

Posted on by

Q: I have lots of questions, and a strong need for answers.


But who is asking? Who is in need for answers?
Haven’t you read and heard lots of answers already?
Do you think that your questions could ever be satisfied by the right answers?

What do you need your answers for?
For a sense of safety?
What needs to be safe, and from what?
Does life need to protect itself from life?

Do you think that if there were answers to found, you wouldn’t have found them by now?
Can you see that all these questions and seeking for answers have only one purpose, the keep the assumptions of a seeker in place?
A fictional person who has questions and is  in need of answers?

The questioner arises with the questions.
If there would be no answers, not just the questions would stop, but the one who is asking the questions.
The questioner arises and dissolves with the questioner.
The end of seeking for answers is the end of the questioner.
It is the realization that there is no-one at the core asking questions.

So what are you waiting for?
For the right answer? What for? To keep the illusion of a seeker going?
To keep the illusion that you are separate from life?
And one day when you find the right answer, then, and only then, you will be free and at home?

Why ‘one day’? Why not now?
If not now, when?

For how much longer will you seek, instead of stop and actually find what is already here, now?

What happens if you stop seeking for answers, just for a moment?
Can you see that stopping seeking is finding?
Can you see that anything you could ever find is already, presently here-now?

But here-and-now is the last place the questioner wants to look.
Since here-and-now, both the questioner and the questions collapse.
Here-and-now is all there is, as it is.

Seeking for the by-products of awakening

Posted on by

Q: It’s so difficult to let go of expectations. I am always waiting for a shift, a change, and because of this, I am always thinking that I am doing something wrong or that I am not really understanding what you are saying.

A: Let’s dig a bit deeper with expectations, in general.

You are waiting for something to happen. You are waiting that sometimes in the future you will be able gain more clarity, more understanding, or whatever.

But awaking is not something to wait for to happen in the future.
It’s not in the future.
It’s here now.

It’s ALREADY here, waiting for you to NOTICE.
Here now is the only place and time to look and notice.

You are trying to judge it by some expectations, based on how you imagine how it would feel like or be like.
So in essence, you are waiting for the by-products you expect to happen.
So you are not noticing what is here now, rather you are seeking to find those by-products.

But realization isn’t recognized by its by-products.
The realization is self-evident, no by-product is needed.
If you are looking for the by-products, then you are just simply searching for by-products.

Realization is no equal to its possible by-products.
Those could only be by-products, but not IT.
Realization is the simple noticing of what IS, here-and-now, in this very moment.
Moment by moment. That’s all.
It’s very simple.

So when you look here-now, what do you notice?
What IS right now?

Is the fact that I cannot know others’ feelings, thoughts and experiences are proofs of separation?

Posted on by

Q: My husband was doing the dishes last night. The cold water was running over his hands – I was sitting and could not feel that cold water. It was “his” experience. He remarked on how he enjoys doing the dishes and finds the cold water relaxing.
His experience of the water on his hands and my lack of it is something physical, something REAL. His experience as an entity is different from mine.

A: So the ‘problem’ lies here. You have some sort of idea about oneness or non-separation, and with that idea you assume that oneness would mean that somehow we could have access to others experiences, like what they think or feel. It is quite a common one. Another popular idea is that oneness means that somehow my body could merge with other bodies, or with a table or a tree, so somehow we dissolve into each other.

But oneness or non-separation are none of these. It’s something completely different.

Non-separation doesn’t mean that you will ever be able to feel or know your husband’s experiences.
This will never happen. And it won’t have to happen, since this has nothing to do with seeing non-separation.

Usually, I wouldn’t go into detail to explain this, but since you are really hung up on this, it might be useful if I point out why your idea of oneness is not how it is. But of course, it won’t help you in seeing it, but at least it could help letting go of your own version of it.

No matter what is your experience, experience is always known.
There is always a knowing element present, here now.
Actually, this is the only ‘stable thing’ that is. Everything else (experience) is constantly shifting.

So knowing is always on, always happening.
But it’s not the body that knows.
Rather the body is ALSO known.
The body itself shows up as an experience, which is known.

So this ‘knowing’ knows or aware of the body called ‘Vivien’.
But this ‘knowing’ also aware of other bodies, like the body called ‘husband’, and any other objects that might be present (room, table, laptop, tree, whatever)

So BOTH the body of ‘Vivien’ and the body of ‘husband’ are KNOWN.

Just as BOTH a tree and the body of ‘Vivien’ is known.

And form the relative perspective the body appears to be in a certain distance from a tree.
And we believe that the body is perceiving the tree.
But it’s not true. Since the body itself is PERCEIVED TOO.
BOTH the body and the tree is perceived or known by this aware-no-thing. This knowing that is always here.

So from the perspective of knowing, there is no distance between the knowing of the body and the knowing of a tree.
Both the body and the tree are immediately known by the knowing, without being any distance between the two.
And not just there is no distance between the knowing and the body, but literally there is no separation between knowing and the body.
Similarly, there is no separation between knowing and the tree.

So when we talk about two people, two bodies, in the relative perspective the world seem to be different from the perspective of each body. And this is going to stay like this. This will never ever change.

But from the perspective of knowing, BOTH the body called ‘Vivien’ and the body called ‘husband’ are KNOWN equally, without any distance between the knowing of them.

So non-separation is never about the perceived distance between two bodies or two physical objects.
It’s about the distance, or rather say the lack of distance, between the object and the knowing of it.

This knowing is the subject, and the body is a known object.
Non-separation or oneness means that there is no separation between subject (knowing) and any object (whatever is known).

So the seeming separation is always between a subject (knowing) and an object (known).
But these are not two ‘things’, rather it’s the same happening with different names or labels.

They are the one and the same.
But not even that. Since there is no two.

If you would like to have a taste of the inquiry into the self, please read the home page of my website.

Private Sessions

Posted on by

I offer two types of one-on-one private sessions: inquiry into the self, and inquiry into emotions (which sometimes overlap).

Inquiry into the self

This inquiry is for you if…

  • You have an intellectual understanding of there being no separate self, but you don’t know how to see it for yourself as a first-hand experience
  • You are longing for awakening and want to realize what it means that “you are not who you think you are”
  • You have already had glimpses, but you feel that something is holding you back from the experiential recognition of what you know to be true
  • You often find yourself thinking about the past and imagining the future, instead of noticing the ever changing present moment experience as it is
  • You would like to discover what beliefs you hold that create the feeling of being separate from life
  • You can see that you are not the body-mind, yet you don’t know who or what you are
  • You feel you are stuck in the witness position
  • You have had experiences of there being no real inherent me/ego, but this recognition has been gradually fading, and now it is mainly just a memory
  • You are tired of being a long-time seeker, and for once and for all you want to stop seeking by finding what you have been searching for
  • You have had the realization of the absence of a separate self, yet the sense of separation still persists
  • You feel ripe and ready to finally put aside all books and videos, and do an inquiry of your own experience, so you can finally live the recognition of there being no inherent separate me/self
  • You have gathered a plethora of expectations how awaking should be like, and you suspect that your expectations might be in the way of seeing things clearly in this moment as they actually are

If you would like to have several sessions at certain intervals, then I can give you exercises and pointers — based on our conversation — to investigate on your own between sessions.

If you would like to have a taste of the inquiry into the self, please read the home page.

Inquiry into emotions

This inquiry is for you if…

  • You have already recognized that there is no real inherent me/self, and yet you don’t feel free because of certain patterns and emotions repeatedly coming up and blocking you from being at ease
  • You would like to release deep rooted beliefs you hold about yourself — like “I am not good enough” or “I am not lovable”
  • You would like to discover what beliefs you hold that create suffering in your life
  • You are on the path of awakening, but you have some addictions — like cigarette, food, spending too much time on social media — that you would like to finally let go of
  • You would like to decondition and unlearn old patterns of feeling that don’t serve you anymore
  • You feel ready to face your fears and see them in a different light
  • You would like to live freely from regrets of the past, or feelings of guilt and shame
  • You would like to perceive your emotions differently, without the need to run away from them
  • You are already on the path of awakening, yet you often worry about the future and you don’t know how to stop worrying and live in peace
  • You are seeking freedom from the incessant stream of stressful thoughts
  • You have realized that no matter what you do, you are always dissatisfied in one way or another
  • You often feel resistance or aversion to certain things or people in your life
  • In spite of all your efforts on being on the right path, you don’t know how to forgive yourself or other people

Please make sure to read the Disclaimer before booking a session.

If you would like to have a session with me, you can get in touch with my by filling out the contact form.

Ocean

Posted on by

414

Under everything
There is deep allowing
Non-resistance
Just peaceful floating

Feeling, smiling… being
Drifting into releasing

Wave of thoughts holds me on the surface
But in the next move it drags me down
To the endless bottom of the sea
And I let it be…

Crispy coldness with a gentle stroke
Floating into the tender arms of deep closeness
Soothing touch of the depths of being
Let it be, releasing

Freely drifting in the lulling blueness
With the brush of the sun’s gentleness

Drifting to the surface with a smile on the face
This is freedom… this is no place…

414.6