Ocean

414

Under everything
There is deep allowing
Non-resistance
Just peaceful floating

Feeling, smiling… being
Drifting into releasing

Wave of thoughts holds me on the surface
But in the next move it drags me down
To the endless bottom of the sea
And I let it be…

Crispy coldness with a gentle stroke
Floating into the tender arms of deep closeness
Soothing touch of the depths of being
Let it be, releasing

Freely drifting in the lulling blueness
With the brush of the sun’s gentleness

Drifting to the surface with a smile on the face
This is freedom… this is no place…

414.6

Resistance in the service of ‘me’

325.3There is an almost constant resistance against whatever arises in this moment. Every time when there is arguing with what IS, the illusion of the ‘I’ is not seen only as an illusion – as a mere mirage in the desert – but it is mistaken to be ‘real’; it is believed that there is a ‘me’ that does not like what IS, and wants it to change. The motto of the mirage could be: “No matter what is, but ‘I’ resist”.

Resistance is in the service of the illusion of ‘me’. Without resistance the mirage of the self would evaporate. The ‘I’ can only ‘exist’ in opposition to something else that is labelled as not ‘me’.

Therefore, resistance serves a very important task – to keep the illusion of ‘me’ intact. The ‘me’ needs boundaries in which it can be contained. On the ‘physical level’ this container is believed to be the body. On the ‘mental level’, the container is resistance itself.

When there is resistance, two seeming objects are manifested: ‘me’ and ‘you’ or ‘the rest of the world’, with an imaginary dividing line in between the two. The line itself is ‘made of’ opposition and comparison.

Because the ‘I’ defines itself by either comparison – “I am taller than you”, “I am smarter than you”, “I am less fortunate than you”, or by opposition“nobody loves me”, “the whole world is against me”, “I am right and you are wrong” or “you are my enemy”.

Without comparison and opposition there is no ‘me’.
In order for the mirage to be activated, resistance is needed.
Because all resistance is against something.

When there is an ‘against’ (opposition), then there is a ‘me’ that is against – or is opposed to – ‘this and that’. So there is a dividing line, a seeming separation between two objects, ‘me’ and the rest of the world.

The resistance itself ‘creates’ the illusion of separation.

If there was not resistance, there would be total acceptance. In acceptance there are no borders or dividing lines. There are no edges where ‘I’ ends and the world or the other ‘starts’, because there is nothing that could be in opposition to ‘something else’.

So, in order to keep the illusion going, resistance is essential. That is the ‘reason’ why there is an almost constant, subtle resistant there all the time.

Resistance is essential for the sustenance of the apparent ‘self’.
Without being in opposition to something ‘I’ would not be.

Resisting resistance

No matter what we do, no matter what are our life circumstances, how content or happy we are, there is an almost constant underlying resistance to what is here and now, in this moment.

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I often get questions about what to do with this basic resistance, how to accept things as they are, or if we cannot accept what is here and now, then how can we accept the resistance itself.

Let’s say, I am on my way to a meeting, but I am late. Thoughts arise “I shouldn’t be late, I don’t want to be late” – so there is an arguing (meaning resistance) against what IS. (Let’s call this arguing as resistance #1.) When these arising thoughts are believed, associated emotions arise, like contraction in the body.

If the contraction in the body is labelled as ‘unpleasant’, accompanying thoughts can appear “I don’t want to feel this way” – thus another layer of resistance has just emerged (resistance #2).

Now, I want to get rid of the felt bodily sensation that is labelled as ‘unpleasant’ by all means (which is the result of resistance #1). What is missed here is that trying to manipulate the felt sensation creates a new overlay of resistance (resistance #2).

When this is seen, a thought might come up “I should accept the whole situation then” – but with a hidden, underlying expectation that by accepting the situation the discomfort of the whole resistance would go away.

However, when there is an effort to accept something, it means that what is resisted is labelled as a ‘bad thing’. Otherwise, there would be no need for accepting it. As a result, the situation has become ‘bad’, but not because it has an inherent quality of badness, but rather because the label ‘bad’ is not seen only as a mental label attached to the current experience, but rather it is believed that the mental label ‘this is bad’ has a one-to-one correspondence with ‘reality’.

So the labelling ‘this is bad’ comes first, and when it is mistaken with ‘reality’, we try to cover it up (layer over) by enforcing acceptance – which is a disguised form of resistance – on top of resistance 1. How could acceptance then be possible?

By forcing acceptance, what was intended to get rid of is reinforced because the label was BELIEVED to be ‘real’. By forcing acceptance, the resistance becomes even stronger.

But if the belief “I shouldn’t feel this way” is questioned, meaning that it is seen that the ‘thing’ itself – in this case the felt sensation in the body – is totally neutral, it does not have any innate attributes and only thought labels suggest otherwise; then the seeming ‘badness’ of the felt sensation goes away, because it is not mistaken to be ‘real’ any more.

When the label is seen through, NOTHING has to be done, not even accepting, because it has ALREADY been ACCEPTED.

Acceptance cannot be achieved.
Acceptance is not an action.
Acceptance is non-resistance.
Resisting something is an action.

Acceptance is to STOP resisting, thus to stop acting.
But even stopping resistance is not an action.
Rather it is the result of seeing thought labels only as arising thoughts and not mistaking them with ‘reality’— and then acceptance emerges naturally, by itself, without any effort.

What is love?

Romantic love is often depicted in moves as a beautiful fairy tale. After many years of lonely nights and bad relationships, finally the beautiful girl finds her ‘soul mate’, who is perfect and special and loves her unconditionally. These stories promise a happy, fulfilling life, where love conquers all. But is this our everyday experience in our relationships?

118“I want you to love me. I need your love. I need you to accept me as I am.” This is what we think what we need. But these words can be translated into these: “I need you to reflect back a positive self-image to fill the hole in me. I need you to accept in me what I cannot accept.”

Relationships are mirrors. They mirror back our ‘selves’. Relationships reflect back our self-image. I am looking in others that seems to be missing in ‘me’.

The feeling that something is lacking is part of the life of almost all humans. We lack love. We lack acceptance. Therefore, we are constantly searching outside, seeking approval to fill the lack and to be complete and whole.

When ‘you’ and ‘me’ fall in love, it seems that we love each other. But actually, I love the story of ‘you’ I have about you, and similarly, you just love your story about ‘me’. We only love the images we have of each other. So we have an unwritten pact that we mutually fortify each others’ self-image; and if you dare to break these rules, I either try to carve you to fit into the image I have of you so I can feel loved again, or I withdraw my love because you have diminished my already frail self-image. The pact is about inflation, not about deflation.

My love is conditional. I love you only when you make me feel happy, whole and secure. My love can easily turn into hatred if you stop fulfilling your designated role. So, I need you to change in order to feel happy again… This is what we normally call love.

But can love be conditional? Is it really love or just a form of attachment? Of course, this is one of last things the ‘egoic mind’ wants to hear, because it shakes its illusory foundation.

Is love an emotion at all, or a state of being?
Can any state be permanent?

Love cannot be found in the seemingly outside world or in the apparent others; love is here and now, in this moment. When there is no resistance to what IS, so called ‘pleasant emotions’ can arise. But love arising from non-resistance is ‘different’ from the love we conventionally refer to. In this sense, love is not something that can be achieved by doing.

Love cannot be gained.
Love is not doing.
Love is non-action.
Love is non-resistance.

Love is acceptance.
Love is peace with what IS.

When there is no resistance, love naturally arises.
Without resistance, love is all there is.