I = love = you

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When seeing through the illusion of the ‘me’ happens, it is not uncommon that love becomes denied because it is seen that what we generally refer to as love is simply not what it seems to be. This so called conditional love actually based on the lack of love. It seems that love is missing here, so there is a search that something ‘out there’ might be able to fill this lack and make me whole and complete.

But this is just a con. The trick is created by the beliefs about myself; that I am an entity sealed behind the skin that is separate from the rest of the world, and most importantly, I am separate from love. Love is something that is not here but ‘out there’. So seeking is set apart to connect ‘you’ and ‘me’ that are seemingly separated by this fundamental belief.

But love is not out there. There is no separation between me and love. It just seems to be because this basic belief is seemingly obscuring the love that is here, in this moment.

When the belief in ‘me’ is set rampant, love appears to be missing. So I cannot love and deeply accept myself, therefore I want you to love me and fill the hole, instead of me loving and accepting myself. In this conditional love actually there is no love at all, only lack, due to the perceived separation. And when I cannot love and accept myself, I cannot love you either. So the desire that I want you to make me feel loved is coming from the belief that I am separate from love.

But love cannot come from outside. Let’s say I love you a lot, but you do not love yourself. Would you be able to feel my love? Would you be able to feel something that you cannot feel?

You have to know love to be able to love.
If love is lacking in you, you cannot feel my love towards you.

You can only feel my love if you are love!
If you can feel my love, it means that you love yourself in that moment.

So love is not something that coming from outside to fill me up, but rather love is flowing out of me, through me. I love and deeply accept myself; therefore I can feel love and deep connection towards you. I give you love, because I am love.

I = love = you
There is no separation…

And of course there is neither ‘me’ nor ‘you’ that could be separate from each other, but language fails at this point. I am trying to express something in words that are inexpressible. As soon as we try to use language the experience is conceptualized and a seeming separation alongside with ‘you’ and ‘me’ emerges.

Love simply ‘wants’ to love.

But when love and deep connection are resisted and denied, it becomes uncomfortable and painful. But love is unstoppable. It starts to burn through all conditionings that seemingly obscure its way, until it can flow freely, unconditionally. It brings up all the beliefs, shoulds and should-nots, social norms and believed demands the ‘me’ should live up to, and burns through them one-by-one.

When love is painful it means that there is a condition that does not let love be felt fully.

Once the heart is opened up for love and deep connection, by seeing that there is no ‘me’ that could be separate from it, love becomes unstoppable and inevitable because no belief can obscure it completely ever again. Love no longer can be eluded…

I am love
I love
love

You are love
You love
love

Eventually, both you and me collapse and only love remains.

Attachment as part of the dream

After seeing through the illusion of the self, a new form of seeking can develop; a desire for the identification with the I-thought to come to a halt. But identification with the main character of the movie still happens as part of the flow of life.

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The movie or the dream of life cannot be escaped. And what would want to escape it anyway? Only the ‘me’ yearns for freedom. But freedom from what? Freedom from itself.

But this is a dead end. A non-existent self wants to get rid of itself in order to gain freedom from the pull and push, the attraction and aversion of attachments. The ‘me’ has attachments to everything that arises in the dream.

There is a general belief that attachment can develop only to something that is regarded pleasant for the ‘I’. But when it is examined closely, it turns out that attachment to so called ‘negative’ things can be even stronger than to those where the ‘positive’ labels are applied.

Everything in the movie is about attachment. I have attachment to food, drink, sunshine, trees, sleeping, loved ones, to the air the body breathes, to literally everything. Some attachments may be stronger than others, but still, in the movie of thoughts there is only attachment. As soon as the dream world arises, attachment emerges with it.

The movie itself is attachment.

Because as soon as an object emerges, the ‘I’ appears with it. When the current experiencing is labelled as ‘this is a tree’, at the same moment, a subtle ‘me’ arises with it as a reference point in seeming space and time. “Here I am, and there is a tree”. The tree is defined by ‘me’ being a separate subject that is experiencing that object (tree) over there. But actually, both the tree and ‘me’ are nothing more than mental concepts. The tree and ‘me’ exist only in thoughts.

But in the dream of thoughts the ‘I’ and the tree seem to be two separate objects – or rather say a subject (me) and an object (tree) – that are connected by attachment. Although, the attachment to a tree can be very subtle, hardly noticeable, yet it is still there. The attachment-connection can be easier to spot on when it is about loving or hating an apparent other.

“I love you” or “I hate you, because you caused me pain” – but is this really the case? Is there really a separation between ‘you’ and ‘me’ or love and pain?

The ‘I’ and the seeming other that is the apparent cause of ‘my’ suffering are one. We are both ‘made of’ thoughts. There is neither ‘me’ nor ‘you’ that could be connected by pain or love, because all these are just one seamless movement of life.

When the mirage of the self is seen through, the whole dream of ‘my’ life can be observed from within the movie.

But anyway, there is nothing wrong with attachment, or the movie, or the mirage of ‘you’ and ‘me’. Attachment can be beautiful when it seen for what it is… just one movement – just a desire to connect the seeming separation between ‘you’ and ‘me’ that has never been there.

And yet, a wide range of emotions can arise as part of the movie of ‘my’ life. There can be love, guilt, pain, fear, happiness, peace or sadness. And of course, the ‘me’ wants to get rid of all the so called negative emotions.

But the desire itself to get rid of them is made of attachment to them.
Without these emotions ‘I’ would not exist.
There is an attachment to resisting the ‘negative’ emotions.
And while I resist, I persist.

What are we really seeking for?

315Seeking, seeking, seeking… We spend almost all our lives in seeking mode. Nothing is good enough. Nothing is fulfilling enough. We always want more, want something else. Something is missing. But what is really missing? What is this seeking all about?

The whole concept of liberation or enlightenment is so overrated and mystified. There is an assumption under these words that liberation is something mystical, something special that just a very few can achieve or attain, and the majority of humanity can at best fantasize about it. But is this really the case? Is liberation something very special and new that we have never experienced before? Something completely unknown?

No, it is not.

Liberation is not new to us. We all have experienced it before. This is how we came to this world. But since liberation is so familiar and so simple, it is lost from our sight.

Before learning language and concepts, all babies experience this freedom. Without thinking and thus being lost in the content of thoughts, there are only pure sensations. There is only seeing, hearing, touching/feeling, tasting and smelling. There is nothing else – just pure being.

But as the toddler starts to acquire language, thinking develops and identification with the I-thought and body is set rampant. A supposed entity emerges, being the centre of all happenings. The pure being is gradually replaced by the movie of life which revolves around the main character of the dream – ‘me’.

From then on, the attention is almost always on thoughts, on stories. The connection with felt sensations is getting looser and looser, and we gradually end up engaging in stories while the realness of life just flows by, unnoticed.

We hardly feel the taste of melting chocolate in the mouth, the touch of the light breeze on the skin, the warmth of the sun, the pleasant tingling sensations in the feet, the aliveness of the body, the gentle stroke of the clothing. All of these are missed and lost, just because the constant compulsion and addiction of the notion of ‘me’ and my story.

But deep down we feel that something is missing, something is lost, and we crave it back. We have forgotten a long ago what it feels like just to be, just to feel… So we start to seek outside to fulfil this unfulfilled longing.

But if you stop for a moment… just look around… what a beauty…

In every moment there is a sensation arising that can be noticed and felt. Fingertips are touching the keyboard… sensation of the beating heart… whispering of the wind… breathing… sunshine filtering through the blinds… pressure under the feet… felt contraction and the release of contraction in the body… taste of tea… what a joy! Just to be…

This is what we are longing for.
This is home…
This is peace…
This is love
This is the end of ‘me’.
Ah!

Feel…

Expectations about liberation (part 2)

276.1(It is recommended to read the first part about expectations before continuing)

#4 Believing that liberation is feeling oneness all the time

Is it possible? If there was only oneness, then how could you cross the road without being hit by a car? If there was only oneness, then there would not be any seeming separation between the car and the body, there would not even be any car, body or road, there would be only seamless experiencing. Or, with hunger, how would you know which mouth to put the food in if there was only oneness?

Oneness is a ‘spiritual experience’, a state, which has nothing to do with liberation. A state can never last. Everything is in a constant change. The experience of oneness might linger from a few seconds to several days or weeks, but eventually it will go away. In constant oneness the organism could not survive.

276.7#5 Believing that liberation is a constant bliss

So, you do not want be a human anymore! It will not happen. Being lost in thoughts and having emotional responses do not stop with liberation. A ‘liberated human’ is still a human. Emotions are part of life. Even animals – that can be labelled ‘liberated’ – also have emotional responses for certain stimuli. It is not about having only a few selected ‘pleasant’ emotions, but is about encompassing all emotions that arise in the moment. It is not about becoming a superhuman or stopping being a human, quite the contrary, embracing ALL aspects of humanness.

#6 Expecting that ‘my’ life would change

Life or outer circumstances do not change with seeing through the illusion of the self. Only ‘your’ perception changes. Life is always as it IS. Expecting life to change is about the future. The future does not exist. While chasing fantasies, the wonder of this moment is missed. Freedom cannot be found in the future. It is right here, right now.

#7 Fearing of becoming nothing

‘I’ cannot change into nothing. ‘I’ am already nothing. The body is there*, but ‘I’ am not.  The ‘I’ is just an illusion. Only the belief that there is a ‘me’ can evaporate.

#8 Fearing of becoming a ‘vegetable’ and not doing anything

While the belief in the separate self is intact, the possibilities are restricted by the desires and fears of the centre character, ‘me’. When the illusion is seen through and conditionings start to fall away, endless possibilities open up without being limited by fears and desires. Everything is allowed to be as it is.

#9 Believing that I can become liberated

This is not about self-improvement; it is not about having or developing a better version of ‘me’ and believing “I am liberated”. There is no liberated person, because there is no ‘me’ sealed behind the skin seeking liberation. There is only ‘realisation’ or ‘liberation’. But it does not happen to anybody. There has never been a ‘me’ than could be liberated. Liberation can happen, but without an owner, ‘me’. But this is the last thing the ‘egoic mind’ would love to hear.

* (The body is ‘real’ in conventional reality, but not in direct experience)

Getting rid of the ego… is it possible?

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Many seekers believe if they could successfully get rid of the ego then they would achieve ‘liberation’ or ‘enlightenment’. But what is the ego?

Some ‘spiritual teachers’ talk about the ego, others avoid using this word for various reasons. But even those who mention it, they also frequently emphasise that the ego is just a mental construct, nothing real – and yet, it is so often misunderstood…

When we hear or read something, there is an unconscious tendency to ignore everything that does not fit into our worldview or belief system, and spot all words or comments that can be moulded into our framework by projecting our beliefs onto those words. As a result, we perceive these teachings coinciding with our convictions.

214Seekers often say things like this: “My ego wanted to convince me that I should do this. …. I’m slowly shedding my ego but it’s holding on for its dear life… But I know it won’t win, the chains are already broken.”

In these types of statements the ego is assumed to be real, as if the ego was a tangible entity, accompanied by another unexamined assumption that there is a ‘me’ somewhere sealed behind the skin, over which the ego can have full power. The ‘real me’ or ‘my higher self’ is under the tyranny of the ego that needs to be liberated. The war is on…

But when I want to conquer, get rid of, change, manipulate or transform something, then the result could be quite the opposite that was hoped to be achieved in the first place. The mere resistance strengthens what was intended to get rid of, because nothing can be resisted without believing in it first. So, the ‘thing’ is being believed into ‘reality’, and now there is a war against it. But war against what?

The battle is only between mirages.

There has never been a self or a ‘me’ that could get rid of the ego.
Similarly, there has never been an ego either that could fight for its life or have a power over anything.

Ego = me = I = self
There is no difference between them, and none of them is real.
‘You’ do not have to get rid of the ego.
Because there is no ‘you’. A thought cannot get rid of anything.

When it is seen that the whole story about the ego and its clinging to ‘its life’, are just simple appearing thoughts nothing more, then the seeking can end. There is no difference between the thoughts of “I’m thirsty, therefore I drink a cup of tea” or “I’m slowly shedding my ego, but it’s holding for its life”.

A thought is ‘real’ only as an appearing thought, but never its content.

Liberation cannot be achieved.
Liberation is not about doing something.
Liberation is un-believing.
Liberation is stopping believing in something that is not real.
It is about stopping doing. It is doing nothing.
It is non-resistance.

What is the meaning of life?

This is an all-time favourite question; does life have a meaning?

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But what is the ‘I’ that wants to know the meaning of life? What wants meaning? Why is there a need to assign any meaning or purpose to life? Why not accept life as it is without putting any interpretation, intention or meaning on it?

Have you ever entertained the possibility that life does not have a meaning?

What comes up, how do you feel or react when you read these lines? Is there resistance? Do ‘you’ want life to have a meaning?

What is this ‘I’ that doesn’t like to hear this?

The ‘I’ desperately wants to find or assign meaning to life because for the ‘I’ life is equal to ‘me’. It says: “I have a life and I want to have a meaning and purpose of my life”. But without life having any meaning ‘my’ life does not have a meaning either. I am nothing.

This is the last thing the ‘egoic mind’ would like to hear because it could lead to the conclusion of its annihilation.

But is there a self in the first place that could own life?

While the ‘I’ try to find or assign meaning to life, there is being lost in the heavy veil of dreamland – made of mental constructs – lost in the content of the story about life and not seeing what IS. Life is happening right here, right now and nobody is living it.

Searching for meaning is just a form of seeking.

The ‘mind’ always wants to put meaning on everything.
The ‘mind’ is a labelling machine.
Meaning is just a mental label on what IS.

Life is living itself without any purpose or meaning.
Life is as it IS.

This is freedom. This is peace.

Seeking

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When we read reviews about new books, we often find those types of comments where the reader / seeker compares a writer’s previous book with the new one and concludes that this second one is not good enough, there isn’t anything new in it, it didn’t give anything to them. Quite often, the seeker finds another ‘spiritual teacher’ whose words can add a bit more to their ‘knowledge’ or beliefs about spirituality or how to achieve ‘enlightenment’ or certain states.

This seeking can be so strong that one could do nothing else than searching for more and more ‘knowledge’ or strategies. ‘This new type of meditation… maybe this is the one. Maybe this will give me what I’m searching for’.

But do you know exactly what you are seeking for?

What if the self is searching for itself? What if the ‘I’ desperately wants to find itself? Is it possible? Can a thought find itself? If not, what is searching and what is it searching for?

Fulfilment… can a thought be fulfilled?
Peace… can a thought be at peace?
Love… can a thought love or be loved?
Can a thought attain anything?

Is it really seeking something? Is there really a self that is searching? Or this whole seeking is just a cover up? What if seeking is just a cover story laid on top of the illusion of the self?

Not to find out the truth… not to see what IS… and what is not.